Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
