where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
