when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
