i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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