I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
