And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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