ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
this boner is exhausting
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
