the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
