just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
