Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
