The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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