I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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