She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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