My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
