my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
