There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
