we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
