You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
