what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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