I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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