dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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