Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
