its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
