Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Rumble strips road head = magical
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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