I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
