i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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