I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
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Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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