We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
