Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
