grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
