Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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