This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
