bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
