If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
