if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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