So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My bed smells like the plague
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
