Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
