i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
