Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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