I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
