its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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