Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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