you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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