omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You don't make any sense
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