so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize