What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
