What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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