god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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