Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
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Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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