I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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