Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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