I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
