Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
