You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
