cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
