So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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