just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
