Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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