You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
