my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When are your genitals available?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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