Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
