I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
