just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
