he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
