I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
