Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Who died my cat blue again?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
