So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
