just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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