Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
