I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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