ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
