and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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