she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
