Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
