I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
