woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
