yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
