kristin has been a bad kristin
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
