there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
