i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
