well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
