Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
