my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
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Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
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75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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