i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
